In the past few weeks, joyful memories from my 3-year-old self have re-emerged. It seems like only yesterday that I played in the yard of the home where I grew up, wore my beautiful blue princess dress, smelled the beautiful pink peonies, and felt the springtime sun on my face. While learning to write my name under my nanny’s watchful eye I felt loved by the whole world, by her and by both of my young parents. How wonderful that now at 53, I’m blessed with the chance to experience all this once again. To be the best version of myself right now, I get to re-integrate this 3-yr-old part of myself, right alongside all the grown-up responsibilities that I have.
There’s another part of me too that’s re-awakening, my inner wild woman. That part was nurtured by a grey Persian mama cat, cuddling up with newborn me in my bassinet, and continuing to mother me until I was 5. It was her, not my human mother, who would come running if I cried, and cuddle up with me for comfort. Like Carmen the Persian, I learned to be fierce, brave, curious and protective of those I love. That wonderful kitty taught me that sometimes it’s important to be a little bit wild.
Both these parts of my soul, the 3-yr-old and the wild woman, have returned in the wake of a breakup. Free of the commitment of relationship, I’ve been expanding and growing into more of myself. What’s happening to me now feels like a spontaneous soul retrieval.
Shamans have been performing soul retrievals for years, and I’ve had a few that were very profound. But this experience is reminding me that sometimes the missing pieces of ourselves choose to return on their own. When we are able to fully embrace who we are, lost parts feel safe to return and re-integrate. The safety that I’m feeling now has come from several different quarters, spiritual, physical, emotional, and even creative.
My life has transformed completely in the last five months, and I am truly grateful for this things that are conspiring to make me whole again:
- Prayer and Meditation. Everything profound that has ever happened in my life, spiritual or otherwise, has followed after periods of intense communion with Spirit. I’ve been praying and meditating twice a day, for 10-20 minutes. This helps me surrender to what Spirit thinks is best for me.
- Financial Stability. After 10 years of self employment, I finally came to terms with the heavy toll that money worries were taking on me. Through a series of miracles I found meaningful work in the corporate work force. This safety net is allowing an expansion of my spirituality, my writing, and all areas of my creativity.
- A Home of My Own. For years I’ve been searching for a place to live that felt safe, quiet, and nurturing of my spiritual life. After 3 years of seeing my ideal home in my visions and meditations, it finally manifested — along with my own tiny garden.
- Releasing Incompatible Relationships – Giving myself permission to let go of relationships that don’t feel good or safe allows me to expand my focus on those that nurture and give me joy. Working full time with people all day long simply leaves me no energy for relationships that don’t fit.
- Practicing Creativity – Every day I do at least 1 thing that is creative. Whether I’m knitting, writing, painting, dancing, singing, or playing my flute doesn’t matter. What matters is keeping the creative juices flowing.
- Opening to Vision – I’m focused now on creating a life that aligns with Spirit, one full of joy and magick. I’m learning to make choices from a place of love rather than fear of negative consequences. Every day I’m learning to ask, “What would really make me happy? What would I love to choose right now? What excites me and fills me with passion?”
Each night I fall asleep to the sound of frogs singing and wake up to birds outside my window. Sometimes I hear the coyotes howl from my living room. There’s a joy growing inside me, that in time will give birth to something even more wonderful than I can imagine. It feels good to be moving toward the wholeness I was born with, and I wish the same for you.
All My Love,
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