I first learned this lesson when I became a Mom. I was working with clients and taking care of a young child. I was taking care of the house. I was taking care of the yard. I was taking care of the cats, the rabbit, and the fish. I even worked on the lawn tractor (we lived out in the country on an acre of land). A daily routine of slaving away finally led to a very predictable outcome: burnout.
At first I didn’t realize what it was. I was getting enough sleep, but I was still exhausted all the time. I started to feel very very anxious, and my stomach was always upset. Then I started getting sick a lot. I remember performing a wedding ceremony for a client with bronchitis and struggling to get through the proceedings (on a cold windy beach in spring) without coughing. Of course I wound up getting sicker.
Eventually my body gave out. I woke up one morning and I simply couldn’t get out of bed. I was both physically ill and emotionally panicked. The timing was awful, since my husband had just lost his mother and he was grieving. Because I’d been pushing myself too hard, I couldn’t support him or take care of my child or see my clients. I was forced to come to a full stop. Thankfully my sister-in-law flew out from the East Coast to San Diego to help take care of my son. I went to see my therapist daily and journaled every day to let out all the feelings I’d been burying. I took a lot of baths also.
Going forward I had to put a self-care plan in place. To do that I needed a support team — my therapist, a shaman, and a nanny. The therapist listened to me, the shaman helped to boost my energy and remove blocks to my self care, and the nanny gave me the gift of 20 hours a week to focus on myself. Thankfully with their help I slowly recovered and was able to continue helping my clients and taking care of my son. It takes a village.
That was about 18 years ago, and I find that I’m still learning the lesson, but I’m getting better at it. For the last 2 years I’ve had the consistent support of a shamanic healer. Recently she moved away and I quickly found myself struggling until I got new support in place. I was shocked. I keep falling into the trap of thinking that I don’t need that support, that I’m so strong I don’t need it, that now must finally be the time that I don’t need any help.
But we all need a little support when we care for other people.
Recently I realized that I want to specialize in supporting therapists and coaches — because I’m one of you and I understand intimate the challenges you face — because you are brave, motivated, and delightful clients to work with.
Because I understand how hard it can be to take care of yourself when you get caught up in it all, I wanted to give you this gift today, of some things you can start doing right now to support and nurture yourself.
- Stop and take six deep breaths whenever you are feeling stressed or overwhelmed in your day. (Click here for a free article about this super simple form of meditation)
- Practice one activity that you love for at least a half hour each day. Creativity in particular is healing for the caregiver. You might like to try painting or knitting or playing music. Whatever gives you joy!
- Turn your bathroom into a spa.This is a room you visit several times a day! Make it a place for quick nurturing with wonderful hand lotion, soaps, essential oils, beautiful objects, and maybe a candle or two. Let yourself have a few minutes of “ahhhhhh” several times a day.
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