The Power of Letting Go

Do you think that illness or doing nothing makes you weak? Think Again. There is enormous power in doing nothing and opening to the wisdom that flows within you.

Do you think of power as something that comes from being strong and boldly blazing forward, taking action after action and fighting demons?  I used to, and then beat myself up because I never felt I was strong enough or accomplished enough.

Instead I’ve come to see a startling truth: that my power and strength don’t come from striving and trying. Life works best when I center into my true self, find my inner vision, and clear away the obstacles that are keeping it from happening. I’ve finally come to accept that the universe wants my greater good and if I just relax and open the way, it will come to me.

This month I got a refresher course, most likely because in March and September I focus on working the third gateway practices designed to cultivate my power.  I had some unexpected spiritual help–I got the flu! Nothing helps me go inward faster than an illness.

Do you know what happened? During that week of being sick, energy and enthusiasm periodically rose up in me like waves. When my energy came up, I rewrote the first 50 pages of my novel and sent them off to a first novel competition. When it went back down I rested. When it went up again I gave two shamanic healing sessions. Even though I was ill for a week, I was totally “fine” during the hours I was doing the Goddess’ work.

Important things got hugely clarified during this time, and I gave up or postponed commitments that sapped too much time or energy from my life. I had no choice, with the flu. I HAD to take care of myself and conserve my energy only for the important things.

After a week of being down with the virus, I decided to give up caffeine, to stop pushing so hard. To relax and open for a while. And then an even bigger opening happened. In working with a shamanic healer I discovered a deep-rooted pattern from my childhood that has been keeping me stuck in living situations that don’t work for me. Finally I saw the pattern in my life and how it got created.

The session exhausted me, and I needed more rest. In the past I would have called this a “relapse” with the flu, but instead I see it as a blessing–more opportunity to go within to vision and create from the place of alignment.

Today I’m marveling at how strong I really am, how powerful, to have survived some of the things I lived through as a child. I used to think my trauma was insignificant because I wasn’t beaten, starved, or sexually molested. But the truth is I was neglected, shamed, and told to stay small. I lived with alcoholism and its effects in my home. My safety and my belongings were violated by family members. I came to believe that I didn’t matter, that my needs and wants weren’t important, and that I shouldn’t expect any more from life. I was harmed by people I loved and I put myself in harm’s way over and over again.

It’s taken me years to feel safe in the world, and as time has gone by, that feeling of safety has grown stronger. I feel grateful at finally unraveling this piece of my past so I can open even more to my true potential. Already safer and more nurturing living situations are being offered to me with very little effort on my part.

The message? My true power is simply in being who and what I am. My job is to be as authentic as possible with others and to take wonderfully good care of myself. To be, as a dear friend said recently, “both human and wise”.

The experience of reconnecting with my authentic self has been so powerful that I want to share it with everyone!. Here is a simple process to get you started:

  1. Relax. Have a hot bath or a cup of hot tea and take some deep breaths. Let every muscle in your body relax.
  2. Open. Let your mind drift to a situation in your life where you’ve felt stuck, blocked, or powerless.
  3. Receive. Ask for guidance, to be shown what is in your way. You may receive an image, a few words, or some other hint
  4. Breathe. Flow with the guidance and see where it takes you.
  5. Journal. Take a few moments to write down what happened
  6. Be Grateful. Offer up your thanks to Spirit for directing you
  7. Nurture Yourself. Practice deep self care to help process what you discovered and trust that you’ll be shown the next steps to take.

Want a shamanic healing work with me to develop your power of letting go?   Start by requesting a free phone consultation

The Power of Discernment

The coming Pisces full moon has been requiring many of my friends and clients to develop a new ability to choose. Choices are important. While we learn something no matter what option we select, honoring our gut instinct about a situation can save us a lot of pain and trauma. This is the practical life application of the Third Gateway: Power.

A while ago I wound up in a situation that didn’t feel right in my belly, even though everything appeared absolutely fabulous to my mind. It took two years to extract myself from that situation and every day during that time I suffered the pain of the misalignment. But it was really nobody’s fault. If I’d honored my original feelings it wouldn’t have happened. Instead I suffered pain and trauma, and have needed a lot of healing. Did I learn something? You bet. I learned that when I feel something is a NO for me, then I say NO without guilt, shame, or regret. This is true power, which comes from freedom of choice.

These days when I need to make an important decision, I use the Third Gateway practices to connect with my inner child. Listening to her and saying no has been a revolution in my life. And when I say YES, it’s a real, honest to Goddess YES, that leads to an opening, expansion, and improvement in my life.

Ready to try it out? Here’s a short exercise for deciding whether to say yes or no in any situation:

1. Make a list of your choices and their pros and cons (this helps your mind and ego let go of making the final choice).

2. Close your eyes and take six deep breaths. Connect to the Earth as if you were a tree, sending your roots deep into Her nurturing soil.

3. Feel your belly. Put your hands on your belly, breathe deeply, and ask the little child inside your tummy what feels right. Run the options by her one by one and notice her reactions (children are great judges of character).

4. Offer comfort to your inner child. Making decisions can be scary for the little one within us. Wrap her in a blanket, take a hot bath, go for a manicure, walk in the woods. Give her whatever healthy comfort she wants, in gratitude for her honest opinion.

Want a shamanic healing work with me to develop your power of choice and heal old wounds?  Start by requesting a free phone consultation. 


Sometimes it’s hard to stay in a place of balance between work and play, solitude and relationship, service and self care. I find myself constantly going to my meditation practice to check in about where I am today — do I need more play time? Do I need to work a little more? Have I spent enough time with my son?

As with most things in life, when I go within I find the answers and a place where it can all be integrated in a beautiful whole. The symbol that reminds me the most of balance is the 4-leaf clover, where each leaf represents one of the four elements of Earth, Air, Fire, and Water.

Each element represents an area of life — Earth is physical health, while Water is emotional balance. Fire symbolizes creativity and sexuality, while Air is the world of the mind and our thoughts.

My practice of maintaining spiritual balance involves working with these four elements through very simple practices. These are only suggestions to get you started. In time you may find your own way to work with these.

  1. Movement  (Earth Element) — do something each day that moves your body. You can use Yoga, dance, walking, biking, hiking, or whatever feeds your soul.
  2. Music (Water Element) — listen to or play music each day to help unlock your emotional reality.
  3. Art (Fire Element) — commit an act of creation each day. This can be a hobby or craft, throwing a pot, or even painting and drawing. Working in the visual arts draws you into an altered state and shows you that anything is possible.
  4. Writing (Air Element) — write something each day to exercise the mind. You may choose to journal, write stories, describe something you’ve seen that day, or even describe the wonders of the world we live in. It doesn’t matter. If you don’t know what to write, begin with a gratitude list and then let your pen wander across the page (or your fingers across the keyboard).

If it seems overwhelming to do ALL of these things each day, just start with one and find a place to integrate it into your routine.

You can learn more about Balance, from my book, “The Heart of Intimacy”:

“Creating a life plan can feel overwhelming without some sort of  framework. I chose to create my plan from a place of thinking about  balance, how I wanted to be physically, emotionally, mentally, and  spiritually healthy. I wanted to create a plan for my daily and weekly life that would work to help me become whole. “

Want more help with creating real balance in your life?   Request a free phone consultation.