Dances With Fear

In the scheme of things and in the living of my life I’ve learned one thing really important: Fear never really goes away. I can quiet fear, ignore fear, or try to trick myself out of fear, but it’s always still there for me. The only thing that works? To dance with fear.

You see, when I dance, the world shifts on its axis. I get into contact with what’sreally real, and at the same time I am transported to a magical place where I feel strong, vibrant, and capable. When I’m dancing, I look like this:

KyprisPeacockBellydance
But when I’m scared, I look more like this:

woman-freaked

Lots of people say to me,

“But Kypris, you always look so calm. Your presence is so soothing and safe”. And I always tell them that I work at it. I work at it a lot.

I remember the exact moment when I decided I was sick and tired of being scared. I was on a trip with my husband in San Francisco. I was sitting in a perfectly beautiful cafe outdoors on a gorgeous day. I couldn’t enjoy any of it because I was so panicked. I don’t even remember why. Maybe it was just being in a strange place, or maybe I was worried about not being able to find my way in a strange city. Whatever the reason, my heart was pounding, I was shaking, and forget about trying to actually drink my tea!

I got kinda mad. Even though I was freaking out, I knew it wasn’t what I wanted to do. I remember trying to breathe deeply and calm down, to connect to the Earth and let that spiritual support center me. But it just wasn’t happening.

That day I made a commitment to myself to end the fear, somehow. Or at least to be able to manage it.

sacred-treeI began doing daily spiritual practice that I call the Sacred Tree Meditation. At first it was only 10 minutes — I couldn’t sit still any longer than that! But gradually, over time, and with the support of my spiritual teachers I was able to meditate fully and completely for a longer period. But more importantly, the fear started to recede.

Why? Well, I think it’s because when I meditate I actually can feel the presence of a wonderfully loving force that is taking care of me. Running around in my daily life, I was too busy to feel any of that. But in meditation I started to “plug in” more quickly.

In addition to meditation, I did mindful movement. I’ve always been a big fan of yoga, but my body was asking for more vigorous movement, so I began studying bellydance. Using my intuition, I found my way to a sinous series of bellydance movements that helped me tune into my true self and let go of fear. There was something about moving my body in a mindful state that brought hope, confidence, and sheer joy into my being. I wish that for you.

gopher_snake_lgI knew that I had “graduated” from my dancing with fear program when I encountered a snake one day on a hike. My first instinctual reaction was curiosity, rather than fear. I stood for a long time looking at that snake, wondering what it would do (it eventually slithered off in search of food). Since that time I’ve traveled to Peru alone, climbed mountains, and backpacked for 4-5 days in the wilderness. All without fear. I’ve learned to engage my curiosity in unfamiliar situations, and it has given me tremendous freedom in life.

Today fear is coming up in other places. Although I no longer feel scared about traveling, I do feel fear about my value, my success, and the legacy I will leave in the world. I guess it’s something that happens when you’re over 50 — new things become important that weren’t important before. But as these new fears arise, I’m dancing with them!

skeletons dancing

Right click here (or Ctrl-Click on Mac) to grab a free download of the meditation that helped me banish fear.

Click here to join the Facebook Shamanic Support Circle, a closed group of therapists and healers supporting each other.

If you’d like more help learning to dance with fear, I have a couple of other ways to support you. The first is my new Shamanic Clarity and Balance e-course.  Or you might want to join me for a new round of my Six Gateways Shamanic Initiations, a 6-week class beginning on January 1. If you’d prefer one-on-one support, I offer that too. To get started, just click here for a free 15-minute consultation with me. 

 

How to be a Self-Care Ninja

On a day like today when I’m dealing with an appraiser coming to the house, writing my book, and marketing tasks, in addition to client appointments, it’s challenging. Add to that a hefty dose of  all my friends and loved ones calling on the same day to connect, getting ready to move, and a difficult call with a family member scheduled for later, and it’s a recipe for potential disaster.  I’ve learned that on a day like this, I have to be a Ninja trained in the delicate art of immaculate self care.

Lucy_Ninja

It’s important that I focus on myself and what I need so that I can still be able to serve others. Sound familiar? If you’re a therapist or coach or caregiver of any kind, you probably know what I’m talking about. There has to be a balance between taking care of your client’s needs and taking care of your needs. But when you’re in a healing profession, there are also other people in your life that often turn to you for support. Navigating all that with love for both yourself and the people in your life is a Ninja skill!

Today as the personal calls started to pour in, I felt so loved and so grateful for all these people in my life. But I also felt a little overwhelmed with how to balance my work with returning all those calls and still finding some me time. If I use my break time, on a day like today, to return a dozen personal calls, then it leaves no time for me to regenerate myself.

calendarMy secret weapon? My calendar. I’ve learned this wonderful trick that I’m going to share with you. Maybe you already do this, and if you do, you know that it works. At the beginning of each day I schedule my self care time along with my work time. Rather than making a to-do list, I schedule each task into my calendar.

Now you might be thinking, “But what if I don’t know how long it will take?”

clockEstimate. Because once you start putting things on your calendar, you’ll realize how much you can actually do in a day, and what you can’t. This is the first step towards more sanity and a more relaxed daily schedule.

Because I scheduled my work and rejuvenation time already today, I know that I don’t have time for all those phone calls during the day. But I also know that there will be time tonight for me to relax and connect. And that just makes me smile.

If you’d like more help navigating these challenges, I have a couple of ways to support you. The first is an online class based on the Six Gateways Shamanic principles that I’ve been working with for years. It’s filled with practices to help you nourish and rejuvenate yourself on a daily basis, as well as six powerful initiations to help you upgrade your energy and be a little stronger, braver, and more loving in the world. If you’d prefer one-on-one support, I offer that too. To get started, just click here for a free 15-minute consultation with me. 

Click here to join the Facebook Shamanic Support Circle, a group of therapists and healers supporting each other.

The Kundalini and Unblocking Creativity

creative-treeSince I was a little girl, I’ve been a creative soul, focused on art the way that other kids focused on play.

Maybe it was the Montessori school and all those macaroni pictures we made with dried noodles and glue. Or maybe it was because I watched my very young parents make music every day the way that other parents went to a j-o-b. Because at our house, that was their job.

I was lucky to have art modeled for me. My parents bought me art supplies and music lessons and books instead of toys.  While the other kids were playing softball and watching TV, I was in my room doing embroidery, writing poetry, playing the violin and piano, learning to make art with pastels, and dancing.  My favorite doll when I was 10 was a ballerina doll that twirled around when you pushed the tiara on her head.

But as I grew older, things got confusing. My parents told me I needed to get serious and learn how to make money.

ViolinI remember feeling very confused, because I always thought I’d be a musician or a music teacher. But I did what they said because they were paying for my college. I decided to become a biologist because I loved nature, and I had the brain for it. I did well at school, but I didn’t love it the way that I loved music and art. Because it took so much of my time to succeed in this new area, I neglected my art, and over time I became creatively blocked.

I gave up the violin entirely, deciding that I would never be any good at it and that I hated it. I still played the piano, but only in secret, when nobody else was in the house to hear. I wrote a few articles for magazines, but I never was able to do more than that. I wanted to write a novel, but all my ideas seemed boring and trivial,and the task of writing an entire novel and then finding a publisher (this was in the days before self publishing) was way too daunting. Over time I stopped writing. I became “too tired” and “too busy” to write. I became a shadow artist (see The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron) — I was the world’s number one critic on music and literature. And I produced nothing of value myself.

Then a miracle happened. I got divorced, and a post-divorce fever freedom came over me. My life force started to rush through my body again. I left laboratory science and took a job as an scientific editor. At least I was one step closer to writing! Then I decided to learn to bellydance.

KyprisPeacockBellydanceDancing saved me. It was a creative pursuit that was free of all the heavy history of my childhood, where I was always striving for perfection and never quite there. Even better, it was free of the grief and loss I had over giving up music. In bellydance I could be “good enough” and people would love me for it.

Through the dance, I finally connected to my kundalini. There’s a column of energy that runs through the human energy body, from root to crown, and depending on what we choose, that energy can run smoothly, or it can block up.

Kundalini

When my kundalini runs smoothly, creativity unblocks. My physical health and vitality go off the charts,. And sex? Yum-my. When this opens up for me I am empowered and free to do my art, and to express my voice in the world.

In my perfect day now, I practice four major channels of creativity: Dance, Music, Writing, and Knitting. When I have a day where I touch all four of these bases, I feel balanced, joyful, passionate, and free. The more I feel these amazing sensations, the easier it is to keep the channel open so more creations can flow through it.

Where do I find the time? Well a couple of ways. I cut out a lot of TV. I started saying no to anything I don’t want to do. I cut back on my volunteer hours. My mindset has changed so that now whenever someone asks me to take on something I think first about how it will impact my creative time.

I’ve found that I love to teach others how to unblock their own inner artist.  Think about this: how would you be different if you practiced the art that you love every day? And how would your courageous acts of creation change the world? How would the world be different if every single person practiced some form of art each and every day?

Are you feeling blocked in your creative life?  What would you create if you had unlimited time, money or energy?

I would love to help you explore this though a class or private shamanic support. 

The Gifts of Grief

When you’re walking a spiritual path, everything is an opportunity for change and gratitude. When life gets hard, sometimes the task isn’t to try harder. Sometimes the task is to let go and f$*#!ng surrender. After all, there isn’t really much else you can do anyway.

AppleBlossoms

Recently my life has been a shit storm. Pardon my French, but that’s just my accurate truth. The shit has definitely hit the fan. My Mom got diagnosed with stage 3 melanoma, my son is growing up and pulling away, my best friend moved a thousand miles away, another friend died, and then an ex called to tell me he’s having a baby with his new girlfriend.

That’s a lot of loss. While I consider myself a grief expert, from many years of dealing with loss, this little clump of disasters has me in an agony of depression and sadness. Things are bad enough that I need to go back to therapy after 10 years. And then it turned out that my medical plan had been cancelled.

Are you getting the picture?

With all this loss, difficulty, and hardship it finally became clear to me that Source just wanted me to stop everything for a few days. So I stopped. I wish I could tell you that I spent that time meditating, but to be honest I felt too sad to meditate for more than 10 or 15 minutes.

Instead I spent a lot of time zoning out with TV. I watched all of the last season of Game of Thrones, then True Blood, and now a cute little show called Enlightened. And that’s where God found me, right there in the middle of HBONow. In the show, Laura Dern’s character says:

“I will change, and I will be an agent of change”.

That woke me up. I remembered that I have a choice about how I will receive these events in my life. And I realized that I want to receive the gifts. I want to live every day in the present moment and feel all of my feelings. I want to feel gratitude for everything that’s good and beautiful in my life.

Part of that appreciation is that I cry a lot, sometimes all day. Sometimes I’m crying with sadness, other times because I’m happy, and still other times because I feel lost and confused. Amidst all this, is another miracle. I’m seeing these gifts of grieving so deeply that sometimes it feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest (or at least a very large, very fluffy 30 lb cat!):

  1. I appreciate each moment more
  2. I’m unfiltered, I have more courage to say exactly how I feel and what I want.
  3. I feel softer and more emotionally connected to my partner
  4. I’ve let go of doing anything I don’t want to do
  5. I can hear Spirit’s voice more clearly
  6. Choices seem a lot more simple.
  7. I’m more determined about the vision I want to create in my life.
  8. My brain is quieter and not filled with a million thoughts a minute
  9. Small things don’t bother me
  10. People are kinder

Through all of this, I’m working the 1st Gateway’s Sacred Tree Meditation multiple times a day to stay grounded and let go of the big feelings. Then I use the 6th Gateway’s receptive breathing to open to receive more support from Source.

It’s working. two days ago I woke up and felt as though a lot of the weight had been lifted. Although the grief still comes in waves, I’ve received these miracles:

  1. Waves of love from my partner
  2. My son calling me more often to connect
  3. Knowing my Mom is still ok today
  4. Beauty in the wake for my friend who died
  5. Free therapy from an understanding therapist until my insurance kicks in

It’s clear that when I relax into what’s real, even when it’s extremely painful, life flows forward and Source does everything in its power to lovingly support me. Seeing that cycle unfold gives me tremendous hope, and allows me to surrender even more deeply to the gifts of grief. 

Are you experiencing grief and loss in your own life? If so what gifts is it bringing you? 

I would love to help you explore this though a class or private shamanic support. 

Receiving the Gift

When my dream of a committed, easeful, loving, and passionate partnership came true, I found myself conflicted. I was ecstatic to finally be in relationship with my true love, but I worried that in the end our differences would be too great, and found myself fighting against being in the present moment and enjoying what we were actually sharing together. The stakes of life suddenly seemed higher, and the chance of making a mistake and screwing it all up loomed large in my fear zone. I found myself learning a whole new set of lessons about receiving the gifts in my life.

Christmas GiftIt wasn’t new for me to have a problem with receiving with something I wanted once I got it. I often have that feeling of “it’s too good to be true” when a relationship or my work in the world is going well. Here was a man who cooked, cleaned, and did those manly chores that I don’t know how to do, without being asked. This was a man who loved me unconditionally and told me so every day. This was a man who liked to hold me all night long and make love to me passionately with sacred connection.  With this man I was for the first time experiencing trust, ease, unconditional love, and passion — all the key elements of true love.

It was terrifying.

It reminded me of the time my son’s father gave me the exact brand and model of new camera that I had been longing for. My first reponse? “We can’t afford this!” The camera sat in its cardboard packaging for at least two weeks, and when I finally took the camera out of the box I had trouble remembering to use it, to embrace it as part of my life. I just couldn’t seem to accept that it was mine. A few months later it was stolen. Talk about the law of attraction! I was simply not able to receive that camera and accept that I deserved it.

I have a similar problem with men.

I have a lifelong habit of pushing away the men who love me. Perhaps it’s because I grew up with a mother who showed her love by paying extreme attention to every detail of my life. Her attention came with a lot of suggestions for my improvement. I learned to associate “I love you” with “please change and be different.” As an adult this association still gives me the urge to run from love. I still struggle to accept that men are able to love me the way that I am — no changes needed. At the same time over the years I have developed almost zero tolerance for anyone who wants to change me.

Obviously I still have healing to do. I know that the sweet spot lies somewhere between people pleasing and total individualism.

It’s a process. My growth is that these days I see what I am doing. I watch myself try to push love away, and when that happens I turn to prayer and meditation. I ask Spirit for help to shift my behavior and to heal the emotions that create that behavior.

Celebration is definitely in order, now that I have finally stopped attracting men who cannot love me. Now it is time to open to the possibility of Happily Ever After.

As I watched my beloved’s deep concern not only for my welfare, but for the welfare of all his friends, I saw how insane was the desire to push him away. I understood too that I had been “single” for 6 years. I had lovers, business partners, and tantric partners during that time, but not a romantic partner that shared with me a vision of a life together. Adjusting to having another person deeply in my life took some time.

During that adjustment period we both wondered: Is it ok that we feel comfortable being in the same space all day but working independently? Is it good that after several days together we both want some solitude? Is it weird that we flow so well together for things like meals and activities but sometimes disagree about how to organize our belongings and our spaces? Is it too soon to wonder how all these idiosyncrasies will fit together if we share living space?

I learned to tell myself the same thing about this over and over: I don’t have to decide today, and Spirit has led me here, so I trust that Spirit will help us both to know what is right.

My work became focused on keeping my heart open and on the practices in this book. Awareness has continued to bloom, and my heart opens more as I keep reminding myself that this man is not the father who was absent for so much of my life, or the mother who loves me through constant correction. This man is someone who tells me how beautiful I am every day, who supports my spiritual and creative growth. This is the man who is my true love. And, finally, I am learning to receive the gift.

This blog is an excerpt from my book, The Heart of Intimacy.

What gifts are you struggling to receive in your life? 

I would love to help you explore this though a class or private shamanic support. 

Dreams, Initiations, and Power Songs

Green-Eyed One,TomHiddleston
Among the Oaks
Laughing Songs
Singing Jokes
Far beyond the Oak’s
Great majesty
He dances life
He waits for me

No, I didn’t write this song about Tom Hiddleston, but in searching for an image of what I dreamed and where this song came from, this photo comes closest to conveying the feeling I had when  the song arrived, fully formed, in my head.

It all happened the year that I turned 30. It was a big one for me. I got divorced, changed careers, let go of my house, and relocated from North San Diego County into the heart of the city.

While all this life change transpired,  I started dreaming about a man with glowing green eyes and long black hair. In my dreams he wanted me to dance, to play my violin, to be my fullest self. He followed me around with the violin saying, “here, take it, it’s yours”.

In my dreams I lusted after him in the worst way. I wanted him to be a real flesh-and-blood man. I didn’t want the violin, I just wanted Him. As time went by it became clear that he was my guide and teacher.

Fast forward a few years, and one morning I woke with a fully formed song, courtesy of my guide, in my head — the lyrics you see up above. This kind of instantaneous song creation had never happened to me before, but I’d read about it. I had received my shaman’s power song.

So I wrote it down, sang it, breathed life into it. And it became the way that I connected quickly to the land or to just create sacred space quickly in any situation. It made me stronger whenever I sang it, gave me hope, helped me let go of my worries, reminded me I wasn’t alone. Every time I sang or played it, I felt my invisible guides and teachers gather around me. It became a prayer, an invocation, and an ongoing initiation all rolled into one.

Now roll forward another 20 years, into 2015. A few months ago I was brainstorming about a show that Zoe Sol and I wanted to create. As she shared a new song she’d just written, I instantly knew that somehow my power song was connected to it. Like me, she’d woken up with her own song fully formed. We decided to perform both songs on stage. Together they created a magical initiation, not only for both of us, but for the audience.

IMG_6488

Sometimes an initiation can take this long to come into being. These types of downloads are becoming more frequent since I’ve begun working daily with the Six Gateways, and they are creating MAGIC in my life. I’m led to the right people, the right places, and the right ideas at the right time. I want that for you too. I want to share what I know.

To pass on this way of opening to what Spirit wants for you, I’ve created a new Six Gateways Shamanic Initiations Class. Starting on August 1st, I’ll be leading a group of 6-8 people through a series of initiations around San Diego County. We’ll explore local sacred sites and “power up” our lives with this incredibly juicy energy that comes from connecting to the land and opening up to divine guidance.

We’ll meet twice a month on Saturday mornings (to beat the summer heat), at different outdoor locations in San Diego County. I hope you’ll join me.

http://sixgateways.com/events-and-initiations/

Here’s a short video of one of the locations where we’ll meet:

The Power of Initiation

Last Friday I sang on stage for the first time since I was 16 years old — I’m 52 now, so you do the math 🙂 The experience was exhilarating. I felt completely aligned in every way with who I am and my true purpose on the planet. Partly that was because I wasn’t just performing, I was helping to create a sacred space for everyone present to receive a spiritual upgrade — an initiation, really.

What is an initiation? In the shamanic tradition, it is a powerful experience that changes you forever, usually bringing clarity, removal of obstacles, and sometimes, enlightenment.

As a scientist in my youth, I found it really hard to believe that abrupt life transformation was really possible through a single spiritual experience. Growing up Christian, I’d read the entire bible, which included many stories of people being healed just by a touch or a word or hearing a holy person speak.

But I still didn’t believe it.

Later when I became a shaman, I discovered many Native American and European stories of similar transformations, mediated by the gods.

Now I no longer doubt that they’re true.

10 years ago, my life fell apart. I lost my husband, my home, and custody of my 5-yr-old son. But miraculously, I was transformed by initiation. I received a job, a new man, and unlimited visitation with my child.

5 years ago, it happened again. My business and romantic partner and I parted ways, which led to the end of my business and a series of difficult relationships. I was really stuck in a place of suffering and pain. I received traveled to Peru and received powerful initiation rites in that tradition. And again, things got better.

This year, 5 years later, I received initiation again, only this time directly from the land and from Spirit. This time, rather than falling apart, my life has been exploding like a supernova, getting better and better with a love I truly cherish, a beautiful living space, and more and more opportunities to offer my gift to the world (like the Prayerformance last Friday).

I believe it’s all because of the power of initiation.
10 years ago I signed up for a class with a shaman that ended with an initiation. I can still remember that each time I left the house to go to class, my problems were left behind and I felt exhilarated, passionate, and FREE. At the end of the course, when my teacher put her hands on my head, I felt something pour into my soul. And after that I was no longer the same person.

It was scary, because it meant leaving the life I’d built so carefully to keep myself safe. But it was ok because it didn’t happen all at once, and there was so much joy and support along the way. The truth was I was stuck in this life where I was a corporate drone editing other people’s scientific documents all day long. I was miserable.

I wanted a life where I could express my creativity and help people heal. And now I have that.

The Six Gateways path emerged 10 years ago, after 20 years of spiritual study. I wanted to create a simple system for myself and my clients to unify the important spiritual practices I’d learned. Since that time the gateways have grown into a way of life for me.

In my new Six Gateways Shamanic Initiation class, I want to give you that leg-up that I received from my teachers. I want to pay it forward.

I’m going to take a group of 6-8 people through a 3 month journey. We’ll visit different sacred sites in San Diego (starting in Rancho Bernardo) and receive shamanic downloads that help clear away the junk that gets in the way of being our best, brightest, and most powerful selves. Class begins on August 1, and will meet twice a month on Saturdays, at different outdoor locations in San Diego County. We’ll meet in early morning to avoid the summer heat. Please join us if you are ready to take the next step in your life evolution. To find out more, contact me at kypris@sixgateways.com or 760-522-2554. Space is limited, so register now if you are called to join us.  Click here for registration, dates, and details.

 

Would you prefer one-on-one shamanic work? Start by requesting a free phone consultation

 

The Sacred in Every Moment

SacredPriestess
The last week or so I’ve been buzzing with anxiety. It’s filled every waking moment, kept me from sleeping, and almost made me forget who I am and why I am here. There’ve been some big changes in my life — a new car when I’ve never had a new car before. A new place to live that’s so perfect that there’s no doubt God had a hand in it.

To most people these probably seem like wonderful changes, but to me they’re terrifying. Why? Because I don’t like change. Even though I know it’s good for me, even though it always turns out better in the end, I don’t like it. I don’t like not knowing what’s going to happen.

But the truth is? I never really know what’s going to happen anyway. Unexpected change comes into even the quietest of lives, bringing with it joy, anguish, and a million other emotions.

My emotions are so strong when they come, that they threaten to sweep me away. And I don’t like that. I don’t like feeling out of control. And the less I’m in control, the more anxious I become.

But I forgot something important. I forgot that I’m never in charge.

I often say that spiritually I’m like a little dog (which is hilarious because I’m really a cat and rabbit person when it comes to pets). In this case, I’m like a dog who thinks he’s in charge of the household, even though my owner (God) is bigger and smarter than me.

In this case, Goddess is trying to give me a bigger and better life, and I’ve been fighting. Just like a dog who fights moving to a new home because he doesn’t like to leave the old one. Or who doesn’t want a NEW toy because he just loves that old familiar stinky sock to play with, even though it’s frayed and grey and coated in doggy slobber.

It took my long-time mentor to finally bring me down to earth after 3 sleepless nights. She said: “It sounds like you think you’re God and that you think you know exactly what’s going to happen”. She reminded me that the unknown can be really amazing, but I have trouble seeing that because I have a limited viewpoint. I only know what I know from my own perception. And when I’m filled with anxiety that feels like a nest of snakes biting each other in my belly, I might be looking at things from the wrong perception.

And then I remembered: true enlightenment is staying in touch with my higher power in every minute of every day.

It’s so simple, but when I’m afraid like that it’s hard for me to open that channel. Fortunately I received several initiations years ago that anchored how to do this.

When I came to those initiations, I was filled with anxiety and unable to banish it. Now, 22 years later, once I realize that I’m anxious and why, I can go back to the Six Gateways practices to let go of it.

Here are some simple things you can try doing on your own to relieve the anxiety:

1. Come into connection with the sacred through your physical body and ask for help. What helps the most is to get out into nature and pray. Yesterday I walked by the lake, sat on a rock, and watched the sun set. I could literally feel the anxiety draining out of my body

2. Practice the World’s Easiest Meditation — close your eyes and take six deep breaths. I do this every time I start to feel anxious.

3. Make a cup of tea and use it to soothe yourself and rinse away the negative emotions from your body.

SunsetLakeHodges

After my shift, I slept well and was powerfully guided to the next right actions. One of those is to offer you a brand new Six Gateways Shamanic Initiation class that’s I’ve never offered before. I’m going to take a group of 6-8 people through a 3 month journey. We’ll visit different sacred sites in San Diego and receive shamanic downloads that help clear away the junk that gets in the way of being our best, brightest, and most powerful selves. Class begins on August 1, and will meet twice a month on Saturdays, at different outdoor locations in San Diego County. To join us, contact me at kypris@sixgateways.com or 760-522-2554. Check out my events page for details.

Would you prefer one-on-one shamanic work? Start by requesting a free phone consultation

Ease and the Inner GPS

When I was growing up I heard the voice of God. Always, when I was little, I could hear Spirit whispering through the trees that I loved to play under, and tucking me in when I said my prayers at night.

My relationship with God was so real that I thought everyone had that same connection. All I had to do was say the Lord’s prayer with all my heart (the only prayer I knew when I was little) and He would answer. I would feel this warm, loving presence fill my body, and know that I was loved, that I was safe.

But when I became and adult, I lost that connection for a while. I spent too much time doing what everyone told me to do, and I lost my spiritual connection. I went down a path in life that was not at all what Spirit wanted for me, and eventually I had a complete breakdown. I suffered from extreme panic attacks to the point where I didn’t want to leave my house. And I felt physically ill all the time.

I feel grateful for that experience, because it forced me to find a solution. I began meditating, doing Yoga, and studying shamanism. And these things led me back to myself.

It took a long while to get back on the path, because I was essentially lost in a dark and treacherous forest. Everything terrified me, most especially my true path, which was to be a healer. I knew that I was meant to be a counselor and writer many years before I actually allowed myself to become that.

When I finally found the courage to do my life’s work, everything got easier again. And I realized that was partly because I had learned to use my relationship with God like an inner GPS.

It first came to me a couple of years ago, when I hit rock bottom again, only this time with my money situation. There I was, sitting in a 12-step program because I’d gotten myself into such an underearning situation in my life that I could barely afford to buy groceries, let alone pay my rent. I needed help. I’d lost my way again, and the GPS needed to recalculate.

I’d been in another 12-step program for codependency for many years, so I knew that I could find the help I needed in Debtor’s Anonymous. Through that group I started to find my way back to valuing myself and to remember who I really was.

Sitting there one day, I was struck by a sudden realization — that following Spirit’s will was like following a GPS. I put in a destination, and Spirit does its best to help me navigate there.

I can’t see the whole map at once, because that would just confuse me. Instead, Spirit shows me each action I must take. Sometimes an action takes forever, requiring alertness and endurance, like driving several hours on a freeway before I come to the exit. In those situations I can choose to hit “cruise control” and play music I love on the stereo. I can enjoy the ride. Or I can stay tense and worried the whole time, freaking out about every driver who cuts me off, feeling bored and angry that it’s taking so long.

Other times an action is a quick right turn, and then a left. If I don’t pay attention, I could miss it!

After that spiritual insight, the inner GPS took me on a long ride that took years. Now that I’m finally off that freeway, I have to pay more attention to where to turn. I’m a little tired because I’m not used to taking so many actions. Suddenly I have the high quality problem of feeling stressed because everything is going so well.

And I’m stressed why? Because I’m not used to it.
What does my new life look like? Well, my business is thriving. Not only am I doing work that I absolutely love every single day, but I LOVE the people I’m working WITH and seeing how much the work helps them. Everywhere I go, I meet people who are looking for exactly what I have to offer. I’m led to just the right people at just the right time, and I am honored to be an agent of joy and love in other people’s lives.

As part of this miracle, because I am happy and expanded and joyful, money is flowing in. Not a fortune, but enough to live on and save a little. Whenever one stream of income slows a little, another flows in. I’m being taken care of financially by Spirit in a way that I’ve never experienced. I’m no longer stuck in deprivation consciousness. I have almost no debt, money in savings, and a new car. I’m saving for and planning a trip to France next year and contemplating buying a home.

Not only has my relationship with money improved since I’ve allowed God and Goddess to run my life, but I’ve come back into a deeply intimate and committed relationship with the love of my life. After meeting and dating 35 years ago, and then off and on through the last 10 years, we’ve made a commitment to each other that’s lasted for a year now. How can I even begin to describe the miracle of that? It would be a whole separate article. In fact, I think it will be a book.

And in my inner life? The creativity is flowing non-stop. Writing is effortless because I’m mostly just taking dictation from Spirit.

But what’s more amazing is how I FEEL every day. My moon is in Scorpio, which means I feel things very deeply, so my emotional life is very important to me.
Recently I bought a car, and through the whole experience, I stayed in touch with my inner GPS and my feelings. This led to the most amazing experience I ever had buying a car. On the test drive I had a deep spiritual conversation with the car salesman, who turned out to be a former minister from my home town!

I have no doubt that the Goddess guided me to work with that particular person. I needed a car, he needed the energy I had to offer. And the car that I bought has already become imbued with a joyful energy that calls herself “Twinkle”. Every step of the way, Spirit guided me. It told me how much to spend on the car each month for my payment. It led me to the car that felt absolutely right for me (and also showed me what didn’t feel right at all).

One thing I’ve learned over the past couple of years of really letting Spirit in to run my life, is that its plan for me is always MUCH better than my plan.

The last thing I’ve learned is that listening to your inner guidance in the face of outer advice is critical. Everyone wants to give me advice when I am making choices in my life! I know this comes from a genuine place of love. But in the end I am the only one that can hear the voice of Spirit and know what is right for me.

And this is the bargain that I’ve made with Spirit. When I ask for something, the God and Goddess do their best to lead me to it. But in return, when Spirit asks ME to do something, I MUST answer.

Would you like my help accessing your own inner GPS through shamanic healing? Start by requesting a free phone consultation

Love Ambush

There’s magic in the air today.

For two years I’ve been working towards a vision of a life that I love–a home that fits me, a car that makes me smile (rather than worry things are going to fall off it), work that is fulfilling and authentic, and a relationship that is passionate, satisfying, and committed. Suddenly today a wave of good feeling washed over me. It hit while I was pouring myself a glass of water. I realized that the life I’ve been visioning is partly here, and it feels so GOOD.

It’s kind of snuck up on me. While I did ask Spirit back in December for the birthday gift of a life I love, I didn’t really expect it to happen. You know how that is, right?

It all began with my relationship. Last year I did a “relationship cleanse”, stopping all dating for 8 months. It was weirdly good, after two marriages and a live-in boyfriend, to learn about myself, who I am, and what I want.

So there I was, minding my own business, and getting pretty comfortable with being solo, when an old love rekindled in my life. It was like lighting a candle, which then became ten candles, and then a roaring bonfire. Since my time alone had shown me what I DID and DID NOT want in relationship, I was able to speak that loud and clear, which set us up for a completely different dynamic. It’s been really good. Sure we still have our struggles — after all we are both over 50 and prone to curmudgeonry. But it feels like coming home.

Next there was a shift in my work. I’ve been an entrepreneur for 10 years now, and my business had been hit really hard by the “Great Recession”. Diligent work was only resulting in barely getting by. I was starting to wonder if I was going to have to give up my dreams and get a J-O-B. (Shudder).

And what happened? I failed utterly. I put on an event and nobody came. And I got really really ANGRY at God. I cussed, I swore, I cried for 2 days. (I also repeatedly called the Goddess a very bad word….). And at the bottom of that anger I found myself. I realized that the event failed because I was not being true to myself. I was trying to be something I’m not, to be “acceptable” to others, rather than just following my heart and being authentic. So I came out of the closet, finally, and declared myself a shaman. After all, I had nothing left to lose.

Almost overnight, my practice tripled, and since that time a few months ago, money has continuously streamed in to support me. My business is booming, because I’m doing what I LOVE.

And this brings me to…dah dah dah….the car.

For the last four years I’ve been driving this ancient Toyota Camry. It is (or rather now, WAS) a true antique, made in 1988. By my calculations that makes Jasmine (my name for her) 27 years old.

So little wonder that a few days ago, she died. I could feel it coming, because I have REALLY good intuition. I kept hearing, for the last three months, a voice saying, “It’s time to get a new car”. I’ve been diligently putting money away, being frugal, thinking about what kind of car I want.

So when the axle broke off inside the transmission, I was mostly grateful. I was grateful that it happened AFTER I had just exited the freeway. I was grateful that AAA sent a tow truck to rescue me. I was grateful that my sweetheart was nearby to give me a ride home. I was grateful the scrapyard gave me $300 CASH. 🙂 And now as I go through the process of shopping for a new car, I just feel happy and joyous, not anxious and scared.

Next up? My home. I’ve been staying with my beloved for the last 2-1/2 months in a tiny trailer that is barely big enough for one person, let alone two. But again, I have enough money saved, not only for the new car, but also to move into a new home, it’s just a matter of finding the right thing.

In all this, I’ve learned that’s the bottom line — that Spirit HAS to guide me if I want my life to be this good. I can see now so clearly how the majority of the difficulties in my life were caused by ME, by making choices for all the wrong reasons — because somebody wanted me to do something, or didn’t want me to do something, or because I wanted to be rich, or because I was afraid, or because I wanted somebody to like me.

It’s the human condition. We want to avoid pain at all costs. We want love. We seek pleasure. But the trick is that sometimes the most pleasure comes after enduring a little bit of pain. And a life that we LOVE comes from learning what we fear, and cultivating the courage to move through that into our best and truest life.

Want a shamanic healing with me to create a life that you LOVE? Start by requesting a free phone consultation