Blog: Words of Wisdom

Ease and the Inner GPS

When I was growing up I heard the voice of God. Always, when I was little, I could hear Spirit whispering through the trees that I loved to play under, and tucking me in when I said my prayers at night.

My relationship with God was so real that I thought everyone had that same connection. All I had to do was say the Lord’s prayer with all my heart (the only prayer I knew when I was little) and He would answer. I would feel this warm, loving presence fill my body, and know that I was loved, that I was safe.

But when I became and adult, I lost that connection for a while. I spent too much time doing what everyone told me to do, and I lost my spiritual connection. I went down a path in life that was not at all what Spirit wanted for me, and eventually I had a complete breakdown. I suffered from extreme panic attacks to the point where I didn’t want to leave my house. And I felt physically ill all the time.

I feel grateful for that experience, because it forced me to find a solution. I began meditating, doing Yoga, and studying shamanism. And these things led me back to myself.

It took a long while to get back on the path, because I was essentially lost in a dark and treacherous forest. Everything terrified me, most especially my true path, which was to be a healer. I knew that I was meant to be a counselor and writer many years before I actually allowed myself to become that.

When I finally found the courage to do my life’s work, everything got easier again. And I realized that was partly because I had learned to use my relationship with God like an inner GPS.

It first came to me a couple of years ago, when I hit rock bottom again, only this time with my money situation. There I was, sitting in a 12-step program because I’d gotten myself into such an underearning situation in my life that I could barely afford to buy groceries, let alone pay my rent. I needed help. I’d lost my way again, and the GPS needed to recalculate.

I’d been in another 12-step program for codependency for many years, so I knew that I could find the help I needed in Debtor’s Anonymous. Through that group I started to find my way back to valuing myself and to remember who I really was.

Sitting there one day, I was struck by a sudden realization — that following Spirit’s will was like following a GPS. I put in a destination, and Spirit does its best to help me navigate there.

I can’t see the whole map at once, because that would just confuse me. Instead, Spirit shows me each action I must take. Sometimes an action takes forever, requiring alertness and endurance, like driving several hours on a freeway before I come to the exit. In those situations I can choose to hit “cruise control” and play music I love on the stereo. I can enjoy the ride. Or I can stay tense and worried the whole time, freaking out about every driver who cuts me off, feeling bored and angry that it’s taking so long.

Other times an action is a quick right turn, and then a left. If I don’t pay attention, I could miss it!

After that spiritual insight, the inner GPS took me on a long ride that took years. Now that I’m finally off that freeway, I have to pay more attention to where to turn. I’m a little tired because I’m not used to taking so many actions. Suddenly I have the high quality problem of feeling stressed because everything is going so well.

And I’m stressed why? Because I’m not used to it.
What does my new life look like? Well, my business is thriving. Not only am I doing work that I absolutely love every single day, but I LOVE the people I’m working WITH and seeing how much the work helps them. Everywhere I go, I meet people who are looking for exactly what I have to offer. I’m led to just the right people at just the right time, and I am honored to be an agent of joy and love in other people’s lives.

As part of this miracle, because I am happy and expanded and joyful, money is flowing in. Not a fortune, but enough to live on and save a little. Whenever one stream of income slows a little, another flows in. I’m being taken care of financially by Spirit in a way that I’ve never experienced. I’m no longer stuck in deprivation consciousness. I have almost no debt, money in savings, and a new car. I’m saving for and planning a trip to France next year and contemplating buying a home.

Not only has my relationship with money improved since I’ve allowed God and Goddess to run my life, but I’ve come back into a deeply intimate and committed relationship with the love of my life. After meeting and dating 35 years ago, and then off and on through the last 10 years, we’ve made a commitment to each other that’s lasted for a year now. How can I even begin to describe the miracle of that? It would be a whole separate article. In fact, I think it will be a book.

And in my inner life? The creativity is flowing non-stop. Writing is effortless because I’m mostly just taking dictation from Spirit.

But what’s more amazing is how I FEEL every day. My moon is in Scorpio, which means I feel things very deeply, so my emotional life is very important to me.
Recently I bought a car, and through the whole experience, I stayed in touch with my inner GPS and my feelings. This led to the most amazing experience I ever had buying a car. On the test drive I had a deep spiritual conversation with the car salesman, who turned out to be a former minister from my home town!

I have no doubt that the Goddess guided me to work with that particular person. I needed a car, he needed the energy I had to offer. And the car that I bought has already become imbued with a joyful energy that calls herself “Twinkle”. Every step of the way, Spirit guided me. It told me how much to spend on the car each month for my payment. It led me to the car that felt absolutely right for me (and also showed me what didn’t feel right at all).

One thing I’ve learned over the past couple of years of really letting Spirit in to run my life, is that its plan for me is always MUCH better than my plan.

The last thing I’ve learned is that listening to your inner guidance in the face of outer advice is critical. Everyone wants to give me advice when I am making choices in my life! I know this comes from a genuine place of love. But in the end I am the only one that can hear the voice of Spirit and know what is right for me.

And this is the bargain that I’ve made with Spirit. When I ask for something, the God and Goddess do their best to lead me to it. But in return, when Spirit asks ME to do something, I MUST answer.

Would you like my help accessing your own inner GPS through shamanic healing? Start by requesting a free phone consultation

Love Ambush

There’s magic in the air today.

For two years I’ve been working towards a vision of a life that I love–a home that fits me, a car that makes me smile (rather than worry things are going to fall off it), work that is fulfilling and authentic, and a relationship that is passionate, satisfying, and committed. Suddenly today a wave of good feeling washed over me. It hit while I was pouring myself a glass of water. I realized that the life I’ve been visioning is partly here, and it feels so GOOD.

It’s kind of snuck up on me. While I did ask Spirit back in December for the birthday gift of a life I love, I didn’t really expect it to happen. You know how that is, right?

It all began with my relationship. Last year I did a “relationship cleanse”, stopping all dating for 8 months. It was weirdly good, after two marriages and a live-in boyfriend, to learn about myself, who I am, and what I want.

So there I was, minding my own business, and getting pretty comfortable with being solo, when an old love rekindled in my life. It was like lighting a candle, which then became ten candles, and then a roaring bonfire. Since my time alone had shown me what I DID and DID NOT want in relationship, I was able to speak that loud and clear, which set us up for a completely different dynamic. It’s been really good. Sure we still have our struggles — after all we are both over 50 and prone to curmudgeonry. But it feels like coming home.

Next there was a shift in my work. I’ve been an entrepreneur for 10 years now, and my business had been hit really hard by the “Great Recession”. Diligent work was only resulting in barely getting by. I was starting to wonder if I was going to have to give up my dreams and get a J-O-B. (Shudder).

And what happened? I failed utterly. I put on an event and nobody came. And I got really really ANGRY at God. I cussed, I swore, I cried for 2 days. (I also repeatedly called the Goddess a very bad word….). And at the bottom of that anger I found myself. I realized that the event failed because I was not being true to myself. I was trying to be something I’m not, to be “acceptable” to others, rather than just following my heart and being authentic. So I came out of the closet, finally, and declared myself a shaman. After all, I had nothing left to lose.

Almost overnight, my practice tripled, and since that time a few months ago, money has continuously streamed in to support me. My business is booming, because I’m doing what I LOVE.

And this brings me to…dah dah dah….the car.

For the last four years I’ve been driving this ancient Toyota Camry. It is (or rather now, WAS) a true antique, made in 1988. By my calculations that makes Jasmine (my name for her) 27 years old.

So little wonder that a few days ago, she died. I could feel it coming, because I have REALLY good intuition. I kept hearing, for the last three months, a voice saying, “It’s time to get a new car”. I’ve been diligently putting money away, being frugal, thinking about what kind of car I want.

So when the axle broke off inside the transmission, I was mostly grateful. I was grateful that it happened AFTER I had just exited the freeway. I was grateful that AAA sent a tow truck to rescue me. I was grateful that my sweetheart was nearby to give me a ride home. I was grateful the scrapyard gave me $300 CASH. 🙂 And now as I go through the process of shopping for a new car, I just feel happy and joyous, not anxious and scared.

Next up? My home. I’ve been staying with my beloved for the last 2-1/2 months in a tiny trailer that is barely big enough for one person, let alone two. But again, I have enough money saved, not only for the new car, but also to move into a new home, it’s just a matter of finding the right thing.

In all this, I’ve learned that’s the bottom line — that Spirit HAS to guide me if I want my life to be this good. I can see now so clearly how the majority of the difficulties in my life were caused by ME, by making choices for all the wrong reasons — because somebody wanted me to do something, or didn’t want me to do something, or because I wanted to be rich, or because I was afraid, or because I wanted somebody to like me.

It’s the human condition. We want to avoid pain at all costs. We want love. We seek pleasure. But the trick is that sometimes the most pleasure comes after enduring a little bit of pain. And a life that we LOVE comes from learning what we fear, and cultivating the courage to move through that into our best and truest life.

Want a shamanic healing with me to create a life that you LOVE? Start by requesting a free phone consultation

The Crayon Box of My Mind

This last week I’ve been almost drowning in a barrage of difficult thoughts. The days are reflecting the way I feel,  heavy with low clouds keeping the sky a gloomy grey and constantly misting the ground. I feel like I’m living on Venus, a planet that never sees the sky because of Her thick layer of clouds.

I long for the blue summer skies sharp enough to cut your eyeballs in half. When I was a little girl, my favorite crayon in the box was “sky blue”. Turquoise is my birthstone and my current favorite color. So when I say I miss the sky, you see, I really MEAN it.

For days my mind has been like the oppressive grey mantle of mist hanging overhead, weeping all over everything and generally feeling miserable. Normally I’m really good at keeping myself positive and surfing difficult emotions, but I just hit a wall last week.

You see, I had a discussion with someone that’s still stuck in my craw. I can’t seem to cough it up and out of me (and in fact I’ve been down with a physical illness — starting with a really painful sore throat and turning into coughing and wheezing).

I’m one of those people who manifests their emotions in their body. This conversation I had made it clear to me that my loved one and I have very different needs, and all of my abandonment triggers reared their ugly heads as I became convinced that I was about to lose yet another person from my life.

This happens to me sometimes because I’ve lost a lot of people. There’s been death, addiction, and sudden breaking of long-standing commitments. And even though I know that this is just a story I carry, it’s hard for me when I think that a loved one and I are going to have to distance or part ways.

This morning I saw blue sky for the first time in days — in my mind anyhow. I talked with a mentor who was able to reflect back to me that I’m stuck in a place of black and white thoughts. I’m stuck in an obsessional lose-lose scenario.

I’ve got some other ones too:

1. I’m either the best writer in the whole world or the worst.

2. I’m the best mom in the world or the worst

3. Either everyone loves me or they all hate me

4. Either I’m rich or I’m poor

And while my mind actually knows these thoughts are ridiculous, I can’t stop thinking them. There’s a vicious cycle being created within my flesh, the unhappy thoughts piling up in me, making my body feel more and more unhappy.

So this morning after talking to my mentor, I drew the “Wheel of Fortune” tarot card. What a wonderful reminder that the events of anyone’s life simply go around and around. Sometimes things are fabulous, sometimes they are awful, but mostly they are somewhere in-between. Most of life is in this between space. And really, my thoughts are  huge part of whether that middle space, where things are “so-so” is joyful or awful.

I used to think of myself as an optimist, a visionary, but I wasn’t really expecting the best in real circumstance. What I was really doing was living a fantasy life. Regardless of my actual situation, I was always convinced that my life was about to be transformed in a moment — just like a fairy tale.

In high school I was convinced that at any moment one of the most gorgeous football jocks in school was going to fall in love with me. In college, that I could get straight A’s without studying (ha ha). In my first job, that I would make some great scientific discovery by designing my own work time instead of doing the work I was hired for. And as a writer, that I was always about to write the next great American novel (well that one could still be true!).

Now that I’m in my 50’s, I’ve finally realized that I’ve lived my whole life in a sort of vague fantasy, always convinced things are going to magically change, but without any real plan for how to create that change.

Through the healing work I’ve done, it’s become clear that this way of being comes from growing up with an alcoholic parent and a lot of neglect. Because I was desperately unhappy as a child, and felt unloved, I created a magical world for myself where everything was rosy and wonderful. In some ways that served me really well. It insulated me from the pain of my situation, allowed me to form strong spiritual connections to a higher power, and gave me strength to create a good life for myself where I was able to go to college, get two graduate degrees, and succeed at my chosen career.

But these days I want a different kind of success. I want to succeed at living a satisfying life, at relationships, and I want to change the world.

Yes, I know it’s still a little bit Don Quixote. There’s nothing wrong with optimism, and I hope that passionate belief in the best outcome never leaves me. But I’ve come to see that I must stay calm and take practical steps towards my goals. And right now my first, biggest step is to stop the black and white thinking and open my arms and my heart to all the shades of grey.

That’s hard for me. Because grey feels like dying, like limbo, like throwing myself into a limitless void that will swallow me up and leave nothing behind. And GREY is my LEAST favorite color in the crayon box.

But embracing it is the only way forward for me now. If I want to continue my journey towards enlightenment — which is really just a way of seeing myself and my actions clearly — then I have to learn to LOVE the grey crayon, to learn to see it as just as beautiful as the sky blue.

When the Buddha talked of releasing attachment, I think he was talking about this middle path, this place of grey. And in this place maybe there are many options of how to be.

Maybe some people love me, some like me, and some are even indifferent. Maybe when they love me, that love doesn’t look any particular way.

And maybe I’m no better or worse than anyone else, just one of the crowd, doing my part, the part that I was sent here to do.

Want a shamanic healing with me to learn more ways to balance your life with Water Medicine? Start by requesting a free phone consultation

Shifting Tough Emotions

Last week I took a trip to the Sierras with my partner, to get away and relax for a week. We’d been watching the Ken Burns series “Our National Parks” on Netflix, and wanted to experience in person the beauty of Yosemite. It was my first time there, and I was eager to explore a deep shamanic connection to the Earth in the magical valley where the Ahwahneechee people once lived.

Usually any trip into wilderness is healing and rejuvenating for me — but this trip was different. Instead it brought all of my inner demons to the forefront. Instead I experienced this:

“The shadow, in being instinctive and irrational, is prone to projection, turning a personal inferiority into a perceived moral deficiency in someone else”

–Carl Jung

It was probably my own fault, for traveling during the transformational Scorpio full moon. The sign of Scorpio is known for dredging up the deep, dark, stuff that we don’t want to look at and bringing it out into the light. This process is necessary for me if I want to let go of past disappointments and injuries and become a person who is more open, loving, compassionate, and kind.

But on this trip I was very uncomfortable. I found myself snapping at my partner more often than not, and was beyond irritated by almost everything he did. For some reason, all his faults became magnified in my eyes, and I became angry and unpleasant to be with.

I know that when I’m this disturbed by someone else that the real fault lies within ME, not in them. So I prayed for guidance from Spirit, and began a deep inner search. I was led to immerse myself in music with my headphones, and in reading spiritual literature while we were in the car. When we hiked I focused on breathing and being silent.

Shift gently began when I realized that HIS behavior was really just a mirror for MINE. I decided to take a vow to completely stop any criticism, nagging, or judgement of my partner, and to keep anything coming out of my mouth positive.

Failure was inevitable because I’m just not perfect. But I succeeded about 80% of the time. With that success, I discovered something magical. When I stopped criticizing him, he criticized me less. As I focused on being kind, he became kinder.

This is one of the secret powers of Water Medicine — that like water, our emotions flow and mingle and affect the emotions of others. We are all part of a vast ocean. In fact, scientific studies that show that the heart’s magnetic field affects the fields of other hearts around it. (see https://www.heartmath.org/research/)

As we continued our travels through Yosemite and beyond, I noticed what a powerful metaphor the myriad states of water could be for my own feelings. When I was afraid I felt like ice, when sad, like rain, and when angry, like a raging waterfall. When I felt love, I was a creek singing over the rocks, when joyful I was light sparkling on the river, and when serene, I was the glassy surface of Mirror Lake.

Mirror_Lake_Water_Medicine

For now I have to remember every day to be diligent about bringing the peace and healing of Water Medicine into my life. These are the things that help when I do them every day:

  1. As much as possible, I do what I love. In the car when I was angry, I shifted myself by listening to music I liked, reading something that helped me feel happy, or playing a game on my phone. At some of our rest stops, playing my flute for a few minutes dramatically lifted my spirits.
  2. I just say no to things I don’t want to do. My most difficult experience was being slightly injured and wanting to catch the shuttle back to our campsite and rest. Instead I continued on for another hour, which created a mini-meltdown.
  3. I sleep. The lazy shaman’s Earth Medicine  of napping and sleeping in supports Water Medicine and resets my emotions.
  4. I drink water to stay calm.  When I’m dehydrated I become vague, confused, and unable to feel anything but fear. Carrying water everywhere keeps me hydrated, as well as more clear, joyful, and conscious.
  5. Soaking makes everything better. A pivotal shift happened on our trip when I spent an hour in a jacuzzi after a few days of not even being able to shower. Too much time away from water separates me from my feelings and I start to “go numb”.
  6. I practice circular breathing. One of the easiest methods for shifting difficult emotions is deep even breaths with no pause between the inhale and exhale. Once I start to calm down, I tune into the Water element all around me and let it heal me.

Want a shamanic healing with me to learn more ways to balance your life with Water Medicine? Start by requesting a free phone consultation

The Power of Naps and Dreams

While working on my new book “The Six Gateways: Shamanic Tools for Every Life”, I hit a bit of writer’s block in how to explain Earth medicine, one aspect of the 5th Gateway of BALANCE. There are lots of esoteric ways to work with Earth energy, but I wanted something practical to share with you, gentle readers.

Then I took the most amazing nap.

I’d been to the Dentist, which always kinda wacks me out. I have years of dental trauma from my childhood, and while I have a wonderful dentist who takes good care of me, my visits still always bring up a hint of the old trauma, which leaves me very tired.

So on the way home I was talking to a friend and pondering all these errands I was wanting to do when I suddenly realized that I was very hungry. I decided to go home and eat first, to be good to myself.

After eating I fell into the deepest and most delicious nap I’ve had in a few years. A delicious dream visited me while I slept for a whole hour. When I woke, I was not only completely refreshed, I was in a terrifically happy mood.

And then it hit me — I’d had a big dose of Earth medicine. The Earth element is about taking care of our bodies, and I’m always preaching the gospel of sleep, exercise, and good nutrition to my clients. Apparently I’d needed a dose of my own medicine.

Science backs me up on this one — studies show that people who nap are healthier, have less anxiety, depression, and stress, and are generally happier. Other scientists who study human behavior believe that napping is a natural part of human sleep patterns — that we are meant to sleep in short bursts through the day and night, and that sleeping all night and working all day is a modern invention that’s not necessarily that good for us.

So this blog has an easy practice: take a nap and pay attention to your dreams. Notice how good you feel. A rested body can do almost anything.

At bedtime my boyfriend warned: “I sure hope you can sleep tonight after a long nap like that.” For a moment I was afraid. But then I realized, this is the cultural attitude that keeps us all from napping. But I told him my truth: when I nap I also sleep better at night. And I did, like a baby.

Want a shamanic healing work with me to learn more ways to balance your life with Earth Medicine? Start by requesting a free phone consultation

The Lazy Shaman’s Guide to Chakra Clearing

This has been my year of Ease and Grace. One of the byproducts of getting a closer relationship to Spirit has been that I simply don’t have to work so hard at the spiritual practices I’ve been doing for years. But what’s more, I’m finding easier ways to accomplish the same things. One of the most recent is a real gem. For years I’ve been doing really difficult chakra clearing practices as my fourth gateway work. I did fire breath, dragon breath, Kundalini yoga, sex magick, chakra bellydance movement, and healing with stones. It was a lot of work!

But this last month in my twice yearly practice of the fourth gateway I discovered that now that I’ve done a lot of my own healing, it’s WAY easier to maintain my chakras and keep them clear and clean. Keep in mind that this practice is more spiritual maintenance than big healing juju. If you need that, then I’m more than happy and willing to teach you the other practices. But for more advanced spiritual practitioners. or for people who are relatively healthy and happy but want to keep their energy open and flowing, these practices are for you. Here’s a simple list:

  1. Root Chakra — Nurture — Eat healthy (high quality food, lots of fruits and veggies, fewer grains), exercise daily, sleep enough. Do body things that pamper you like massage, hot baths, and facials.
  2. Belly Chakra — Desire List – Every day make a list of the things that you truly desire in your belly.  It doesn’t matter if you actually want to do anything about them. The important thing is to FEEL what you desire.
  3. Stomach Chakra — Choices –-Acknowledge that you can make choices each day to move towards your desires.  What is authentic to you? Make those choices. Feel Powerful.
  4. Heart – Self Worth — Take a moment each day to breathe in all the things that are GREAT about you. Yes, there are places where we can all stand to improves, but making a habit of focusing on your brightness is so good for you. Ask your friends if you need help coming up with a list of your fabulous traits. 
  5. Throat – Inspiration – in the throat, let yourself receive all the crazy and wonderful ideas that flow in every day. Write them down or voice record them while you’re driving in your car. A friend of mine calls this the “Squirrel’s Nest”. Keeping track of the ideas helps the flow keep going. No need to do all of them! Just choose the the yummiest ones.
  6. 3rd Eye – Vision – when you are meditating, driving in your car, or taking a shower each day, let yourself RECEIVE a vision of your life . Align that with your DESIRE for powerful manifestation. 
  7. Crown – Let Go – The best way to achieve anything is to let Spirit handle it. Once you’ve touched into nurture, desire, choices, self worth, inspiration, and vision, visualize yourself handing over all of it to Spirit. Put it in Her/His hands and let go. My Apache Auntie calls this sending your prayers to heaven, and taught me to use this cool tool called a prayer arrow. Make a prayer arrow with your mind and shoot it into the heavens!

Want a shamanic healing work with me to do deep clearing or fine tuning of the chakras?  Start by requesting a free phone consultation

Freedom and Your True Nature

In the months of April and October each year I focus on the 4th gateway of Freedom. Two times each year I travel a spiritual journey through all six gateways, one per month, that leads me deeper into myself and the truth that I’m here on the planet to express.

Freedom is all about expressing my true nature. Waking up this morning I was reflecting on Victor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor who was able to create his own inner freedom with the power of his spiritual connection. It seemed like a spiritual message. If he could be free in those dire circumstances, why can’t I be free in my ordinary, if not ideal, life?

Struggling tremendously with feeling free was my habitual way of being for most of my life. Manifesting itself as what a close friend recently called the “I’ll be happy when” syndrome, I looked at the world through what my first husband called “Mud-colored glasses”. When I was first married, back in my 20’s, I thought I’d be happy when I owned my own house. When that didn’t work, I tried leaving my husband.

Nope.

Then I thought I’d be happy if I got the perfect new man in my life, got a better job, earned more money, sold the house, moved to a better location, and so on, and so on.

None of those things made me happy, even though I got everything I wanted. And finally I turned inward. There I found a tremendous well of joy and love that is available to me. The well gets deeper when I let myself be who I truly am through art, sexual connection with my partner, dressing the way that suits me, and a thousand other little things. Think about it: how many decisions do you make each day based on what other people want rather than what will make you happy? I’ve learned that it’s not either-or.

Now that I’m in the second 50 years of my life, I know with 100% certainty that my happiness is something I can create for myself in ANY circumstance. And what makes me happiest is expressing my true nature.

If you’ve read my blogs on power, you’ve had a glimpse of how I’ve worked to discover my true self. I’ve used love and my connection to Spirit to unearth my authenticity (and in my work with others I’ve helped them to do the same). These discoveries about who I am have added to my sense of power. Some might call it self worth. Others might call it purpose. It doesn’t matter what words you use, this power, once discovered, wants to move out into the world. It wants to be FREE.

Freedom is letting my power flow through my chakra centers to express itself in the way that is unique to me. How? Practice, practice, practice. That’s why they call it spiritual PRACTICE. It’s like I tell my 10-yr-old violin students, if you practice even 15 minutes twice a week, you will play violin much better than if you don’t practice at all. it’s the same with Freedom. You must practice being authentic — once you know what authenticity IS for you. You will have setbacks. You will have days when you forget or you feel constrained by your environment. But the more you practice being free, the more you WILL be free.

Here is a little exercise to get you started:

  1. Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Imagine becoming a tall tree, with roots deep into the earth and branches high up in the sky.
  2. Imagine your roots receiving nourishment from the earth, while your branches receive energy from the sky
  3. Take your attention to your belly and feel just one true nugget of who you are– it can be anything — a favorite food or hobby, a truth about your life, even just your favorite color.
  4. Allow this truth to rise up from your belly and fill up your entire body.
  5. Let inspiration flow in about how you will express this truth today.
  6. Keep this promise to yourself.

Want a shamanic healing work with me to discover your true self and learn to express it?   Start by requesting a free phone consultation

The Power of Letting Go

Do you think that illness or doing nothing makes you weak? Think Again. There is enormous power in doing nothing and opening to the wisdom that flows within you.

Do you think of power as something that comes from being strong and boldly blazing forward, taking action after action and fighting demons?  I used to, and then beat myself up because I never felt I was strong enough or accomplished enough.

Instead I’ve come to see a startling truth: that my power and strength don’t come from striving and trying. Life works best when I center into my true self, find my inner vision, and clear away the obstacles that are keeping it from happening. I’ve finally come to accept that the universe wants my greater good and if I just relax and open the way, it will come to me.

This month I got a refresher course, most likely because in March and September I focus on working the third gateway practices designed to cultivate my power.  I had some unexpected spiritual help–I got the flu! Nothing helps me go inward faster than an illness.

Do you know what happened? During that week of being sick, energy and enthusiasm periodically rose up in me like waves. When my energy came up, I rewrote the first 50 pages of my novel and sent them off to a first novel competition. When it went back down I rested. When it went up again I gave two shamanic healing sessions. Even though I was ill for a week, I was totally “fine” during the hours I was doing the Goddess’ work.

Important things got hugely clarified during this time, and I gave up or postponed commitments that sapped too much time or energy from my life. I had no choice, with the flu. I HAD to take care of myself and conserve my energy only for the important things.

After a week of being down with the virus, I decided to give up caffeine, to stop pushing so hard. To relax and open for a while. And then an even bigger opening happened. In working with a shamanic healer I discovered a deep-rooted pattern from my childhood that has been keeping me stuck in living situations that don’t work for me. Finally I saw the pattern in my life and how it got created.

The session exhausted me, and I needed more rest. In the past I would have called this a “relapse” with the flu, but instead I see it as a blessing–more opportunity to go within to vision and create from the place of alignment.

Today I’m marveling at how strong I really am, how powerful, to have survived some of the things I lived through as a child. I used to think my trauma was insignificant because I wasn’t beaten, starved, or sexually molested. But the truth is I was neglected, shamed, and told to stay small. I lived with alcoholism and its effects in my home. My safety and my belongings were violated by family members. I came to believe that I didn’t matter, that my needs and wants weren’t important, and that I shouldn’t expect any more from life. I was harmed by people I loved and I put myself in harm’s way over and over again.

It’s taken me years to feel safe in the world, and as time has gone by, that feeling of safety has grown stronger. I feel grateful at finally unraveling this piece of my past so I can open even more to my true potential. Already safer and more nurturing living situations are being offered to me with very little effort on my part.

The message? My true power is simply in being who and what I am. My job is to be as authentic as possible with others and to take wonderfully good care of myself. To be, as a dear friend said recently, “both human and wise”.

The experience of reconnecting with my authentic self has been so powerful that I want to share it with everyone!. Here is a simple process to get you started:

  1. Relax. Have a hot bath or a cup of hot tea and take some deep breaths. Let every muscle in your body relax.
  2. Open. Let your mind drift to a situation in your life where you’ve felt stuck, blocked, or powerless.
  3. Receive. Ask for guidance, to be shown what is in your way. You may receive an image, a few words, or some other hint
  4. Breathe. Flow with the guidance and see where it takes you.
  5. Journal. Take a few moments to write down what happened
  6. Be Grateful. Offer up your thanks to Spirit for directing you
  7. Nurture Yourself. Practice deep self care to help process what you discovered and trust that you’ll be shown the next steps to take.

Want a shamanic healing work with me to develop your power of letting go?   Start by requesting a free phone consultation

The Power of Discernment

The coming Pisces full moon has been requiring many of my friends and clients to develop a new ability to choose. Choices are important. While we learn something no matter what option we select, honoring our gut instinct about a situation can save us a lot of pain and trauma. This is the practical life application of the Third Gateway: Power.

A while ago I wound up in a situation that didn’t feel right in my belly, even though everything appeared absolutely fabulous to my mind. It took two years to extract myself from that situation and every day during that time I suffered the pain of the misalignment. But it was really nobody’s fault. If I’d honored my original feelings it wouldn’t have happened. Instead I suffered pain and trauma, and have needed a lot of healing. Did I learn something? You bet. I learned that when I feel something is a NO for me, then I say NO without guilt, shame, or regret. This is true power, which comes from freedom of choice.

These days when I need to make an important decision, I use the Third Gateway practices to connect with my inner child. Listening to her and saying no has been a revolution in my life. And when I say YES, it’s a real, honest to Goddess YES, that leads to an opening, expansion, and improvement in my life.

Ready to try it out? Here’s a short exercise for deciding whether to say yes or no in any situation:

1. Make a list of your choices and their pros and cons (this helps your mind and ego let go of making the final choice).

2. Close your eyes and take six deep breaths. Connect to the Earth as if you were a tree, sending your roots deep into Her nurturing soil.

3. Feel your belly. Put your hands on your belly, breathe deeply, and ask the little child inside your tummy what feels right. Run the options by her one by one and notice her reactions (children are great judges of character).

4. Offer comfort to your inner child. Making decisions can be scary for the little one within us. Wrap her in a blanket, take a hot bath, go for a manicure, walk in the woods. Give her whatever healthy comfort she wants, in gratitude for her honest opinion.

Want a shamanic healing work with me to develop your power of choice and heal old wounds?  Start by requesting a free phone consultation. 

Balance

Sometimes it’s hard to stay in a place of balance between work and play, solitude and relationship, service and self care. I find myself constantly going to my meditation practice to check in about where I am today — do I need more play time? Do I need to work a little more? Have I spent enough time with my son?

As with most things in life, when I go within I find the answers and a place where it can all be integrated in a beautiful whole. The symbol that reminds me the most of balance is the 4-leaf clover, where each leaf represents one of the four elements of Earth, Air, Fire, and Water.

Each element represents an area of life — Earth is physical health, while Water is emotional balance. Fire symbolizes creativity and sexuality, while Air is the world of the mind and our thoughts.

My practice of maintaining spiritual balance involves working with these four elements through very simple practices. These are only suggestions to get you started. In time you may find your own way to work with these.

  1. Movement  (Earth Element) — do something each day that moves your body. You can use Yoga, dance, walking, biking, hiking, or whatever feeds your soul.
  2. Music (Water Element) — listen to or play music each day to help unlock your emotional reality.
  3. Art (Fire Element) — commit an act of creation each day. This can be a hobby or craft, throwing a pot, or even painting and drawing. Working in the visual arts draws you into an altered state and shows you that anything is possible.
  4. Writing (Air Element) — write something each day to exercise the mind. You may choose to journal, write stories, describe something you’ve seen that day, or even describe the wonders of the world we live in. It doesn’t matter. If you don’t know what to write, begin with a gratitude list and then let your pen wander across the page (or your fingers across the keyboard).

If it seems overwhelming to do ALL of these things each day, just start with one and find a place to integrate it into your routine.

You can learn more about Balance, from my book, “The Heart of Intimacy”:

“Creating a life plan can feel overwhelming without some sort of  framework. I chose to create my plan from a place of thinking about  balance, how I wanted to be physically, emotionally, mentally, and  spiritually healthy. I wanted to create a plan for my daily and weekly life that would work to help me become whole. “

Want more help with creating real balance in your life?   Request a free phone consultation.